Signs you’ve been underemployed too long

I’ve been unemployed/underemployed for eons, likely because I spent too much time in university learning stuff you can now Google.

I graduated with a BEd in 2011 and have not had full-time employment yet. Temporary contracts, part-time work, substitute teaching—I miss the days of having benefits and a reason to get up every morning beyond feeding my cat and providing a cozy lap for him.

These are signs you too have been under-utilized far too long:

  1. You’ve stopped buying dress pants and button-up shirts; instead you purchase flannel pyjamas and fuzzy slippers in colours that match your bedsheets.
  2. Your alarm is set to 11:59 so you can get up in the morning.
  3. Forget the water cooler; you get your gossip on Twitter.
  4. You don’t appreciate long weekends because every weekend IS a long weekend.
  5. The cat thinks you are HIS employee and demands a tuna report before 3.
  6. There are more versions of your resume out there than repetitive Danielle Steel novels. (Not that I’ve read any recently, but I suspect they have changed little from the dozens I read in junior high. However, I should stop slinging stones given that she has full-time work.)
  7. You have to take a coffee break from Facebooking.
  8. Strategic planning involves housecleaning and painting projects.
  9. The only difference between sick days and regular days is one or two more naps.
  10. When telemarketers call, you don’t hang up but instead ask them if they’re hiring sometime soon.
There could be worse jobs.
There could be worse jobs. Like being forced to make this license plate with a straight face. I mean, come on, the Blue Jays?

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