Hoarders: The Lunenburg County Series

I know I’m apt to make people stabby by wishing for a day or two of cool weather—but!

I’m totally wishing for a day or two of cooler weather. I’m hating the humidity; last night/this morning, I didn’t fall asleep until 3:30 AM. Thankfully, we’re due for some thunderboomies* today. I’m hoping they will clear the air and not start any forest fires.

I’m also thankful my phone didn’t ring this morning at 5:30 AM. As a sub, this is always a possibility, that monotone computer voice asking if I’m interested in an assignment at—dramatic pause—such and such school starting at the crack of dawn before anyone in their right mind should be up and at’em. Sometimes I have to be there at 7:25! Blech.

Instead of working today, I was left to my own devices. Which meant getting up at 11 AM. (Yes, please.) This would’ve been a much better victory if I hadn’t spent four-fifths of the night tossing and turning. Even sleeping this morning was impossible. It seemed to take forever for the garbage collectors to put the spring cleanup junk into the truck, with much cl-clunking and cl-clanking. Some of the neighbours were not so fastidious in putting out their materials: there are rejection stickers all over the boards with nails on them. I guess the collectors don’t want tetanus. I suppose next thing, they’ll be wanting more than minimum wage.

Years ago, there was an old garage next door where you could buy chips and pop for 50 cents. Multi-colour flags fluttered above, the kind you see sometimes at used car dealerships.

The old garage is long gone (except for the harvests of beer bottles and alternators that emerge from the ground every spring) and there is nothing left but a small paved parking lot where your tires are apt to find nails and other sharp goodies.

The whole neighbourhood puts their junk there, which is helpful to the garbagemen, as they can pull off the road to load up the mountain of old hoses, paint cans, Christmas decorations, gyproc, etc.

All weekend, the pile was busier than a Tim Horton’s drive-thru. People around here like to comb the piles for treasures, although I’m sure there are no discarded Picassos, no Ming vases.

Metal is usually the first to go, since you can get money for it. Old furniture is also a big hit. Even old washing machines and appliances disappear before Monday morning.

Someone put out a big green propane tank; a few hours later, someone with a trailer came and claimed it. Another person put out 15 (15!) truck tires. The garbagemen won’t take tires, but that wasn’t a problem because someone took. them. all. (WTF does one do with 15 old tires? Start a tire swing business?)

Needless to say, I didn’t get much garbage out because:

a) it was too hot to move all weekend

b) I’m a hoarder at heart and despise parting with junk lest I need it at some point in the next 70 years

And so, I’ll have to wait until fall to clean out the house. Maybe I can convince myself I really don’t need the lamp that buzzes like it’s about to burst into flame. Or the clotheshorse missing one section. Or the homemade CD holder made from a wine box I found at the Acadia Dump and Run.

Yup. Someday, they’re going to make a show about me.

* If Shakespeare can make up words, so can I. Suck it, spell check.

Clean up


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