Wisdom from the trenches: never drink MiO straight

First off, I’m not sure if the company that manufacturers MiO (probably Pepsi or Belvedere or Unilever*) is aware of how weird their slogan is, especially to those of us who can spot a double entendre a mile away.

Squirt some.

Don’t squirt some.

Then there’s the weird gestures in the TV commercials. It basically looks like the hand is playing with someone’s… um… sports equipment. You know, like basketballs.

Okay, so maybe it’s ME who’s weird and reading way too much into this commercial.

Either way, I always thought the commercials for this “liquid water enhancer” were bizarre.

Before I go any further, I will admit I have never had this stuff. I refuse to consume fake sugar because it does unpleasant things to my digestive system. And it has a funny aftertaste. People might as well bypass telling me things like Splenda taste just like sugar because they. do. not.

As someone who works with kids, I tend to see a lot of unusual stuff. Because let’s admit it… growing up, you do some unusual stuff, especially until your prefrontal cortex develops completely.

The latest thing I’ve seen: kids drinking MiO straight.

And it must be toxic because it makes them drop like flies. That much artificial sweetener is enough to make anyone sick as a dog. (Yes, I realize you could make the same argument for white sugar, although real sugar isn’t apt to give you the diarrhea like artificial sweeteners.)

Yesterday, when I was grocery shopping, I happened across a food demonstration. It was for—you guessed it!—MiO sport, which does have electrolytes in it (I thought I would throw some positive out there).

I mentioned how nasty it was when consumed straight.

The next thing, the promoter was squirting some into a cup. She downed it and said, “That’s awful.” At this point, she was coughing and reaching for some water, albeit “enhanced” water.

She said she was going to alert parents that their children should not drink it straight. (There probably should be a warning label on it if there isn’t already, although if you read the ingredients, you probably wouldn’t buy it to give to your dog.**)

As I said, I have yet to buy the stuff myself. I prefer real sugar these days, and if I ever become diabetic (which unfortunately is in my family history), I’m sticking to this stuff: True Lemon.

It has no calories, some Vitamin C, and it’s tasty.

I found it in in the organic section of the Superstore, and I heart it. A lot. Even better, the cat will not drink from my water glass when it smells lemony. (Although I’m sure Jack wouldn’t go near MiO with a ten foot paw.)

The moral of this story is, please give your kids REAL sugar. It’s probably healthier for them.

The end.

* I thought I was going to be lazy and NOT look up the company because when my netbook is unplugged from its power cord, the wireless is achingly slow. But I did. Ten minutes later, I discovered it’s made by Kraft.

** MiO Ingredients: Water, Citric Acid, Propylene Glycol, Malic Acid, Contains Less than 2% of Natural Flavor, Sucralose and Acesulfame Potassium (Sweeteners), Potassium Citrate, Red 40, Blue 1, Potassium Sorbate (Preservative).

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One Comment Add yours

  1. Jon says:

    Good points all around. I had to comment when I read that this was made by Kraft, and you mentioned the “weird” slogan. I’ll be upfront, I have a rather conspiratorial view of things, as I’ve spent the last 4-5 years of my life heavily researching corruption from various organizations who have agendas and plans for influencing the “uninformed masses”. I don’t mean to be rude when I use that term, it’s just that many people are not informed. I find most aren’t willing to put the time/effort into deep research of things. Anyway sorry for the prologue there.

    What I wanted to say is that the “squirt some” slogan does sound perverse, and I believe that is certainly intentional. You’re probably going to think I’m quite crazy, and sadly I can’t really make a great defense for this in some blog comments. There are quite a few very large corporations/organization who are Satanist / Luciferian / Freemasons, which are closely tied to ancient Egyptian mystery occult belief. You probably think this sounds completely dumb and I don’t blame you. But the fact is, sex is a big thing in these cults, it’s considered a good thing (I’m not saying sex is bad! I think it’s a beautiful thing in the right context). I mean these cults are utterly obsessed with it though. I can’t possibly try to tell you everything myself, but if you research it I hope it will make more sense. They believe in things like “sex magick”. It’s graphic and awful, I don’t want to ruin your blog by going into details.

    Moving on, the company name of “Kraft” is no coincidence, it’s a play on the word “Craft”.. like magic, witch-craft, ritual occult stuff. If you pay attention to the various slogans by big companies like these guys, you will notice it almost ALWAYS has a sexual double meaning to it. Did you know that when I was about 13 (this would be like 1998) the Kraft Mac & Cheese commercials said things like:
    “When Daddy wants to please me, he’s only got to cheese me!”
    “When Kraft cheese starts flowing, it gets your noodle going!”

    And guess what? Those slogans have been stuck in my head 16 years later. It’s quite common for these types of organizations to use subliminals and double meanings to make people think about and obsess with sex because they believe that in doing so, it empowers their god (who is Lucifer). Okay I’m sorry if you feel like you just got on the crazy train lol.. but this stuff is serious and I hope you think about it. You might just write me off as a looney and that’s okay, life goes on. But it doesn’t hurt to consider that there might be more at play than meets the eye.

    If you think it’s interesting I can provide you with some very good well-documented, well-researched documentaries available on YouTube. They’re free and will open your eyes to a lot of this stuff.

    Sorry I meant to just drop in and mention the other perverted slogans by Kraft but felt it is important to explain more. Good article and thanks.

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