Most normal, rational people never consume either soapy coffee or perfumed candy. I’ve had both. And I’ve had soapy coffee more than once. (I’ve even had a needle in peanut butter balls, but at least it wasn’t a razor blade. And it was an accidental needle, not an intentional Halloween-candy needle put in there by a psychopath.)
The other night, deciding my coffeemaker was looking a little dirty, I scrubbed it down like a Martha Stewart wannabe. Obviously, I did not rinse it sufficiently.
As you might suspect, lavender and ylang-ylang soap detergent don’t make the world’s best coffee flavour. Caramel, yes. Irish cream, maybe.
But not ylang-ylang.
Yesterday morning, when I really needed my Starbucks brew to generate enough consciousness to drive, I could only muster half a cup.
Yes, I drank half a cup of lavender and ylang-ylang coffee yesterday.
As I was drinking it in my usual morning stupor, I thought it tasted a bit… unusual. Since it was still quite hot, I couldn’t quite tell. Maybe I was just hoping for Starbucks’ strong brew to impart its magic on my blurry eyed vision and general morning sloth.
Once it began to cool, I realized the coffee really was tainted with some kind of floral detergent undertones.
Another taste. Then another.
Yup. Decidedly soapy.
By this time, the mug was half-empty and I finally decided to pick up a cup in town. It tasted delightfully non-soap.
In a past life, I think I was a wine taster.
FYI: When I was in junior high, the perfume in my bookbag once spilled over my candy stash without my knowledge. Until I ate the candy. Perfume does not taste as good as it smells. And it actually gives me a headache. Effin perfume.
FYI 2: I attended a function years ago where they had peanut butter balls. They’re dipped in chocolate. The cook used a needle for this process and left the needle in the ball. Then I put the ball in my mouth. Peanut butter usually doesn’t contain metal, so I decided not to swallow. This prevented me from having emergency surgery and choking on a big needle.
Please. No “that’s what she said” jokes.