I’m a weird sick freak

Clearly I must be weird, sick, and freaky, because I hate the heat. The feeling’s mutual: it hates me.

And today, the Monday of the long weekend, it is hot. Same as yesterday. So hot, when you go outside, you can feel the sun sucking the life out of you like some celestial vampire.

I don’t understand people who bask in the sun. Snakes? Forget it. I don’t get you. I am in awe of people who can work outside during the hot months, like roofers who manage to put in long days on black asphalt roofs. Wow. I honour you.

I think I would much prefer hot weather if I had a pool. I love water. I can’t swim very well but I float like a dead person without being dead (is that a skill or what?) If I could, I would spend all summer in a pool or at the beach. I think this is part of the reason why I became a school teacher. Sure, the schoolhouses are putridly hot in June and September, but that’s okay because July and August mean freedom. Even any work for the upcoming school year could be done in the comfort of my air conditioned living room.

I’m the type of person who would love to go on an Alsakan cruise. Also, Iceland is one spot I’d love to visit if I ever get a passport.

Climate change scares me for more reason than one. Hotter summers? Ugh. Don’t sign me up. I’m okay with warmer winters, if only because I won’t have to pay so much to the evil oil companies for heating fuel. But the whole global warming thing sounds like the Apocalypse.

Apparently there are other sick freaks out there like me who detest the heat. I’m always amazed when I run into them. They understand what’s like to want to hibernate during the summer in some dark cold dungeon between the hours of 10 and 3. I prefer coming out to play around, oh, 6 or 7.

There are some advantages to this. I’ll probably never get skin cancer, mostly because you won’t catch me out on the sun unless I’m at the beach (and even then, I’m white with sunscreen).

And wrinkles? Aside from the squinty lines under my eyes, and the little furrowed brow ridges that will become more defined with teaching, I shouldn’t look like a leather bag in a few years’ time. Pasty white skin is A-okay with me. Yes, dark skin is beautiful. But only if you’re born with it. Not if you get it from being out in the sun 24/7.

Yes, during the summer, I’m happy to be an indoor girl. Here I am today, even, typing away at my computer in the darkness of my living room, with a fan blowing decent air my way. Soon, I hope, the A/C unit will be in the window. My life changed when I got one. I’m very thankfully the power bill didn’t increase (well, because of that), because the cool air is so worth it.

Don’t get me wrong. Summer is pretty awesome. I mean, grilled meat on a barbecue? Oh baby. Heavenly.

I’ll love it more when I get a pool or that beach house I’ve been hankering for.

So, in other words, when I win Lotto 6/49.

Grilling meat good. Grilling Julie bad.
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