The ten commandments of regifting

Depending on how many people you exchange gifts with (or how many Secret Santa dealies you get roped into) you probably need to regift every now and then.

This year, I have nothing I need to regift (yes, people, I’m keeping it all!) but what if you do?

Here are my regifting commandments.*

  1. Before regifting, try returning it to the store. That way, it’s gone without a trace. No dead body, no murder. At least that’s what CSI has taught me.
  2. Never regift something to the original gifter. (This should be common sense.)
  3. Don’t regift something that will ruin your reputation as a person of taste (see Why Did You Buy Me That for prime examples).
  4. Remove original tags. It’s a major faux pas to leave them on. Your friend doesn’t need to know that scarf came from Uncle Ed. Don’t ruin your street cred.
  5. Regift chocolate ASAP. If you wait until next year, it will be white. Unless the chocolate is already white, don’t do this. Make someone’s Valentine’s Day special.
  6. Ascertain there are no engravings.
  7. Don’t regift sentimental things. You might as well kick a puppy, spit on someone in a wheelchair, and praise North Korea for its progressive government. Yeah, that bad. This includes handstitched pillowcases from Gramma and doilies from Great Aunt Bertha.
  8. Consider your story wisely when covering up your regifting. May I suggest: I knew of a poor family who needed it; it gave me a rash and I didn’t want to throw it away; the dog ate it (before you use this one, though, make sure you own a dog or go out and adopt one). Craft the story to match the gift. Obviously a toaster isn’t going to give you a rash. The dog also can’t eat it.
  9. If the item in question is clothing, wear it once when you know you’ll be seeing the gifter. This will make them think you love the gift; at this point, it’s safe to regift. If the item in question is a decoration, take a randomly posed photograph in front of the ugly vase, homely lamp, etc.
  10. Never include children in your lie. One, they are far too innocent for such shenanigans. Two, they can’t keep secrets.

* Disclaimer: I’m not responsible for any destroyed relationships resulting from regifting actions. You’re on your own.

Kangaroo balls cigarette holder courtesy of Why Did You Buy Me That dot com. I wouldn’t want a cigarette holder to save my soul anyway. And why would anyone make ANYTHING with any kind of testicles?
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