Depending on how many people you exchange gifts with (or how many Secret Santa dealies you get roped into) you probably need to regift every now and then.
This year, I have nothing I need to regift (yes, people, I’m keeping it all!) but what if you do?
Here are my regifting commandments.*
- Before regifting, try returning it to the store. That way, it’s gone without a trace. No dead body, no murder. At least that’s what CSI has taught me.
- Never regift something to the original gifter. (This should be common sense.)
- Don’t regift something that will ruin your reputation as a person of taste (see Why Did You Buy Me That for prime examples).
- Remove original tags. It’s a major faux pas to leave them on. Your friend doesn’t need to know that scarf came from Uncle Ed. Don’t ruin your street cred.
- Regift chocolate ASAP. If you wait until next year, it will be white. Unless the chocolate is already white, don’t do this. Make someone’s Valentine’s Day special.
- Ascertain there are no engravings.
- Don’t regift sentimental things. You might as well kick a puppy, spit on someone in a wheelchair, and praise North Korea for its progressive government. Yeah, that bad. This includes handstitched pillowcases from Gramma and doilies from Great Aunt Bertha.
- Consider your story wisely when covering up your regifting. May I suggest: I knew of a poor family who needed it; it gave me a rash and I didn’t want to throw it away; the dog ate it (before you use this one, though, make sure you own a dog or go out and adopt one). Craft the story to match the gift. Obviously a toaster isn’t going to give you a rash. The dog also can’t eat it.
- If the item in question is clothing, wear it once when you know you’ll be seeing the gifter. This will make them think you love the gift; at this point, it’s safe to regift. If the item in question is a decoration, take a randomly posed photograph in front of the ugly vase, homely lamp, etc.
- Never include children in your lie. One, they are far too innocent for such shenanigans. Two, they can’t keep secrets.
* Disclaimer: I’m not responsible for any destroyed relationships resulting from regifting actions. You’re on your own.