Things that really scare the bejebus out of me

Da nuh.   Da nuh.   Da nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh.

A great white shark was found in the Bay of Fundy this week.  Before you start swearing off the beach forever, you can rest easy knowing it’s no longer with us.  Maybe you won’t.  After all, there’s millions more sharks in the sea (think about that the next time someone tells you there’s plenty of fish out there!)

I have never watched Jaws.  That doesn’t meant I don’t associate sharks with screaming hordes of swimmers running from the water the second a fin is spotted.

Needless to say, I was a little unnerved after a talk given by Paul Illsley, that great whites circle Sable Island.  I have a desire to see Sable Island, but once I caught wind of sharks lurking around it (yes, sharks lurk, like criminals), I reconsidered.  Not that many of us will ever get the chance to set our foot on the pristine island, but a girl can have her fantasies.  (Thanks Thomas Raddall.  Now I’ll never meet my Matthew Carney.)

So it’s safe to say that great white sharks rank up there on my list of things that scare the bejebus out of me.  I have never watched Jaws, but I don’t care.  Look at those teeth and underbite and tell me you aren’t just a wee bit frightened by that face.

I’ve come up with some other things that scare the bejebus out of me.

Spiders

They simply have too many legs to be legit.  Like 8?  Come on!  Too creepy and crawly for my taste.  There’s the tarantula.  The black widow.  The wood spider.  Charlotte.  (Actually, she is the one reason I don’t kill every little spider I meet, because I’m scared it might result in the death of a pig.)  I used to have my cousin go into my playhouse before me so he could scout for spiders.  And even then, I was wary.  Very wary.  Good times in the Maritimes.

Skunks

They smell.  I like to smell good, hence the two bath a day minimum.  I’m afraid of running across a skunk and getting sprayed, especially in the face.  I’d have to burn my clothes.  And that smell never goes away!  I know: I’ve had a dog that was sprayed before.  I don’t want to smell funny every time I come in from the rain.

Snakes

I know, I know, we don’t have poisonous ones around here.  But they still slither!  And don’t even talk to me about the ones that can swim.  I’ll have a fit if I’m swimming someday and come across a garter snake casually skimming the water, I swear.

Fire

Maybe this is why I don’t smoke.  All I know is I am unusually cautious around fire.  I like to be in a room with windows or a door so I can make my escape if the worst happens.  I also have a fear of being in one of those car crashes where your car burns up with you still in it.  Fire = bad.  I think this is why I’m frightened during thunderstorms.  It’s because lightning starts fire.

Fuelling Next to Tankers

I never ever (ever!) get gas while the ginormous tankers are at the station unloading their fuel.  Never.  It’s creepy to think how many explosives are in that truck.  Above ground.  Furthermore, I have seen way too many Jerry Bruckheimer movies to be okay with tankers.  So when the tankers are there, I’m not.  I don’t care if I have to siphon the gas from someone.

Propane

You can’t see it.  You can only smell it because of the added perfume to make it noticeable.  It’s creepy and explosive.  I hate the poof! when you light your barbecue.  I keep thinking I’m going to lose my eyebrows… or face.

Electricity

Again you can’t see it.  Is it there?  Is it not?  I don’t trust things I can’t see.  Plus, I almost electrocuted myself when changing an outlet cover.  Note to self: flip the breaker and cut the power to the outlet before accidentally letting your screwdriver slip near the power source.  OR make sure you hold on to the plastic handle of the screwdriver so when it flies out of your hand amid a shower of sparks you’ll only pee your pants, not die.  Electricity 1, Julie 0.

Stomach Flu

Mention this malady and I get nauseated.  Actually, I’m a little sick feeling now… I get the stomach flu once every decade and even that is one time too many.  I hate the stomach flu.  I get sick and shiver and shake because it’s sooooo awful.  I sincerely hope if I ever have babies, I don’t get morning sickness.  Otherwise, it’s going to be a long first trimester.  I will take 5 colds to every stomach flu, even if that includes the pneumonia.  I hate puke.  I hate me puking.  I hate other people puking.  One reason I never go to bars because someone usually pukes by the end of the evening.  I’m sure this fear of puking will change once I have kids.  I hope, anyway.

Alzheimer’s/ALS/Cancer

If I had to pick a way to go, it would be NONE of these three.  You waste away to nothing and your family gets to watch you suffer.  There are a lot of bad diseases out there, but these are the ones that make me shiver.  Give me a heart attack at 85 in my sleep, and I’ll be a happy camper.  It’s too bad we don’t get to pick.

Natural Disasters

I love Nova Scotia because we rarely get earthquakes, tsunamis, and tornadoes.  Hurricanes come and go, but they’re usually downgraded by the time they get to us (and I live blissfully inland, away from the coast.)  Sure snowstorms can be dangerous, but give me a blizzard any day before a F5 twister.  Any day.  Bless Nova Scotia for its moderate (though frequently changing) weather.

Broken Bones

I’ve never had any that I know of and I don’t want any.  I don’t like getting hurt.  Some people don’t seem to care; I live a nice quiet life and I like it that way.  I rarely break a nail.  I don’t want to go skydiving or skiing.  I likes my neck just the way it is, thanks.

I’m sure I could think of more lovely things that scare the bejebus out of me, but for now this is more than enough.  If I think of anymore, I won’t sleep tonight!

I'm glad we "just" get snow, not tornadoes.
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