It’s night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring because someone forgot to buy Red Bull.
Okay, so this isn’t exactly Dickens, but it is my list of everything you need to survive the holidays.
- Red Bull: for those long road trips to visit your relatives
- spiced apple cider in a slow cooker: to make your house smell delicious when guests come by (and to hide the smell of litter because your cat has just decided to do his business in his box)
- fudge and cookies: for gifts from those people who never bought you a present before, will never buy you a present again, but came to your house this year with a damn present and now you have to give them something so you don’t look like Scrooge
- Christmas cards: see above
- oil in your tank: so guests take off their jackets (unless you don’t like your company; then don’t keep your oil bill paid)
- clementines: nothing smells more holidayish than a freshly peeled clementine
- frozen pizza dough: for the day you can’t eat another bloody turkey dinner
- DVDs: for when you can’t watch The Sound of Music one more time
- chocolate: for a pick-me-up from the holiday blues and the lack of sunshine
- Lysol toilet bowl cleaner: for when the food gets a little too rich
- ginger ale: see above
- lint roller: for quick pickups of cat hair clumps that are as big as wharf rats
- new toothbrushes: in case wayward travellers have to spend the night. Ain’t nothing fun about sharing toothbrushes. I wouldn’t share Brad Pitt’s toothbrush with him. Just saying.
- extra nightlight bulbs: so when the candles in your windows blow, you can replace them (you don’t want to be like those icicle light people missing a strand on their roof)
- and finally, liquor: depending on your family, of course, and the duration of their stay
Happy holidays! May all your dreams come true!
And may all your in-laws finally leave so you can slounge around in your jammies all day watching your TV.