WARNING: Serious epistemological stuff ahead. You’ve been warned.
I wasn’t sure what to write today (but had a burning urge to type verbal diarrhea) so I visited Plinky prompts to find a topic suggestion. Plinky, in case you’re wondering, is a blogger’s cheat sheet.
So after creeping to the prompt-dark side, I found: Describe something you lost that you want back.
That’s not a tough one. After my neighbour’s recent murder, I’ve been remembering a time when I didn’t have to worry about bad things.
Below are the lyrics to a song from one of my favourite bands, Evanescence. I’ve included the lyrics because they best summarize what I sometimes feel. If you want to hear the song, you can download it on a file sharing application; Evanescence encourages fans to download their early tracks instead of inflating prices on eBay auctions for their first demos.
Fields Of Innocence
I still remember the world
From the eyes of a child
Slowly those feelings
Were clouded by what I know now
Where has my heart gone?
An uneven trade for the real world
I want to go back to
Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all
Okay, so it’s a little sappy. But it aptly illustrates how, as we become more adult, we lose our innocence.
When we’re young, it’s easy to believe in everything. As we get older and eat from the proverbial apple tree, everything changes. The first taste of apple marks a profound change in the world.
We see badness in the world and it isn’t as clear-cut as a Disney movie. Good people can do bad things and bad people can do good things. There are no definites.
One of the most startling things I’ve discovered since becoming an adult? That adults don’t have their %#$% together like I thought they did when I was little and looked up to them.
In fact, a lot of adults are more lost than any child ever could be. And then there are people who just blow you away because they are so extraordinary despite knowing too much.
While this all sounds very depressing (and I don’t mean it to be) I look forward to teaching. Because even if you can’t reach every kid, as a teacher, you can make a difference. I am especially interested in teaching secondary kids because they hover in that zone between childhood and adulthood, a grey area where you want to be treated like an adult, yet still want to be a child.
Though I deceive myself into thinking I want my childlike innocence back, I tell myself that education and learning more than I ever knew is an amazing process, even if I can’t go back to what you knew then.
Sure, it would be great to be happily playing with Barbies without thinking how those dolls’ figures are a mockery of many real women. Or eating cookies without thinking how many calories are in them. But truth be told, I really really like apples and wouldn’t give up eating them for all the tea in China. Even if I get a bitter one now and then, I love to keep reaching up in the tree.