Anyone who knows me knows I detest heat. For some reason, I lack the ability to cool down efficiently. I’m kind of like a car without a cooling system; I overheat when it’s hot. (Even when I’m not doing much other than sitting there, running.)
It’s been about 40 degrees this week if you factor in that lovely humidex reading. I have been popping Advil like candy to keep the heat headaches at bay, and inhaling more fruity pops than you can shake a stick at.
Over the years, I have come up with numerous ways to beat the heat that I’d like to pass on to you. Please keep in mind some of these are mostly theoretical.
- kicking back with an ice pack placed behind your neck or the small of your back. Now that’s cool.
- a cold bath. It hurts so good.
- making your own freezies. Orange juice is nostalgic for me. Pick your favourite then make them in those little trays.
- ice in your milk. Or your anything. Have everything over the rocks this time of the year. Nothing neat. Nothing!
- water your flowers with the water hose and accidentally spray yourself. It really helps you grow and photosynthesize.
- go for a drive and get a McDonalds sundae for under two bucks. I recommend caramel.
- eat nothing but cold cereal. Keeps the stove off and your tummy nice and cold.
- shave. Furry people stay hot. Don’t be a furry people.
- watch Alive! and feel better about your situation.
- buy a cheap air conditioner for a hundred bucks. The room containing the unit will become the centre of attention for all eating and sleeping activities.
- blog with a fan blowing on you.
- keep your lights off and live in perpetual darkness. Well not perpetual, I guess. Just after dark.
- drawing all blinds and curtains helps during the day. Then lift them for night. Sounds backwards, but it helps.
- put your panties in the freezer. This is what Cindy Day suggested the other night on the news. Really, any article of clothing put in the freezer will assist you in keeping cool. Note: make sure they are clean.
- on that note, put hand lotion in the freezer and apply when you need to get chilly. Brings a new meaning to cold cream.
- go naked. Preferably in your house if you live on a main road.
- air dry your hair and let its wetness keep your neck cool (if you have long hair like me, anyway. This works well for a couple of hours.)
- buy a kid’s pool and lay in it all day. Don’t forget sunscreen and a cold drink! Just remember your neighbours are laughing at you, not with you. But at least you’re cool.
- wear white even if you theoretically no longer should.
- fill a footbath full of cold water and ice cubes and soak those tootsies! Cold feet = fewer marriages but a cooler body temperature overall.
- if all else fails, move to Antarctica. The penguins would love to have you.
And remember to keep your animals cool too! Lots of ice in their water dishes helps.