I’m feeling grumpy tonight, so it’s a good time to rant over things I dislike. Hate, obviously, is too strong a word for these various offences that make my blood pressure rise (or was that the Franky Fries I ate today?)
So, in no particular order, I’m going to go over things I dislike starting with ones that speak to the kind of weather we had today.
- when your pant hems get wet and snowy and cold. I’m 5″4′ so my pants are always too long, and thus, always wet in winter.
- frozen wiper blades you forget to unstick before heading down the road in your nice warm car.
- using the self-pay option at the gas pumps, only to have the machine tell you to “Get change inside.”
- food that is too salty
- cake without frosting
- emptying the water pitcher and having to fill it
- that dreadful pause when someone asks you for your cell phone number. Like I know? I never call it! Plus, I’ve had a dozen different phone numbers in my lifetime, and they’re all sloshing around in my brain and partying with those algebra formulas from high school.
- papercuts. Then forgetting and eating a bag of salt and vinegar chips; or using hand sanitizer made of 110 percent alcohol.
- television commercials that are ten times noisier than regular programming.
- nails on a chalkboard or squeaky markers on a whiteboard. One annoyance replaced with another!
- reality shows. This doesn’t extend to all reality shows. Just ones which take place on remote islands or feature Simon Cowell. (Guess that means in another year I can start watching American Idol? But who will be the Bad Cop and embarrass the people who can’t sing?)
- celebrities from reality shows. Maybe it’s because she’s ultra-conservative and has a high-pitched voice, but what really grinds my gears is that Hasselmore woman on The View, whose claim to fame was being a contestant on a remote island reality show she didn’t even win.
- surveys. They make great media fodder, but really, you can find a survey to prove anything. And that’s according to a survey done in Canada last week, with a margin error of I don’t care.
- when the power goes out, comes on, goes out, comes out, then lingers between the two… when your appliances run halfway between working fine and being two steps away from requiring replacement. Make up your mind, power! Jeez, we pay enough for you.
- car commercials. This is the biggest sale you’ve ever seen on our award-winning models, but it’s only for a limited time, so don’t delay, get in today! Trust me, the same deals when I bought a car are still in effect half a year later. If you get interest free financing, the car just costs more, or vice-versa.
- telephone menus. I’m okay with pressing one for English, but when there’s so many options and none of them fit your particular needs, it’s just frigging annoying. I’m getting to the point I just like pressing O for the first available representative.
- Kate Moss’s motto “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.” Self-explanatory, I think.
- all the lights and shine they add to hair models on commercials. If I had an entourage following me with a bright spotlight and shine serum, I bet my hair would look that nice too.
- drivers who pass you, then slow down until you have to pass them.
- trying to look a word up in the dictionary when you don’t know how to spell it. Funny, but it happens to English majors too.
- dropping my contacts when one is in; it’s hard to look for a small sliver of silicone when one eye sees clearly and one’s blurry.
- people who say the H1N1 vaccine was a hoax because no one got sick. Hmmm, then I guess those lockjaw, polio, mumps, measles, rubella, HPV, pneumonia, scarlet fever, rabies, smallpox, and diphtheria inoculations are useless too. How do you tell when they work?
- women who pee over the seat because they don’t want to sit on the dirty toilet. You know how they wouldn’t get dirty? If people didn’t pee on them!
- researching on the internet and discovering 9 out of 10 sites have copied the same information from each other. Very helpful.
- waking up half an hour before your alarm goes off
- when French fries make your smoke detector go off
There, I feel better. Don’t you?