Tiger Woods’ lost to do list

To do lists are highly under-rated.  They provide a point of reference in a chaotic world.  I love to do lists.  So does my absent-minded mind.  However, I wonder what other peoples’ to do lists must look like.

Tiger Woods’ Daily Chores

  • Get Cadillac fixed.
  • Replace wedge.
  • Erase phone messages.
  • Wash Nikes.
  • Buy pepper for humble pie.
  • Issue statement on today’s sins.
  • Hire wife as head of personal security.
  • Widen driveway.
  • Floss teeth.

Stephen Harper’s Parliamentary List

  • Test hair in wind tunnel to make sure it still doesn’t move.
  • Try to make nice with China.
  • Prepare questions for reporters at press conference.
  • Dip into pork barrel for supper.
  • Pick up dry cleaning.
  • Suspecting foot fungus, ask doctor to take a culture of defeat.
  • Shake hands with son.

Kanye West’s’ Hit List

  • Diss Taylor Swift.
  • Cancel plastic surgery.
  • Send note to George Bush about hating abandoned black cats.
  • Give Beyonce consolation ring.
  • Add more thorns to crown.
  • Find a way to diss Miley Cyrus.
  • Pick up Fatburger for supper.
  • Diss Fatburger.

Brangelina’s Chores

  • Make baby.
  • Adopt baby.
  • Make baby.
  • Adopt baby.
  • Fight.
  • Make baby.
  • Adopt baby.
  • Hire nanny for babies.
  • Make baby.

Edward Cullen’s Marks

  • Whiten face.
  • Redden lips.
  • Add enough gel to hair to stand up fashionably.
  • Look smouldering.
  • Find sexy neck.
  • Run away for a bit.
  • Watch for werewolves.
  • Look smouldering.

Gregory House’s Memorandum

  • Complete differential on oddball character with rare disease.
  • Call in Vicodan prescription.
  • Undress Cuddy with eyes.
  • Eat Wilson’s lunch.
  • Practice American accent.
  • Buy new whiteboard markers.
  • Congratulate George Clooney on being sexiest doc ever.
  • Call in Vicodan prescription.

And, well, fair is fair.

My Things To Do

  • Roast random celebrities.
  • Find royalty free photos for blog on web.
  • Hang out with people who aren’t online.
  • Make more coffee.
  • Hug a gerbil.
  • Write something.
  • Eat a cookie.
  • Make more coffee.

    There's just something about those big saucer eyes.
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