People say “dasn’t” a lot.
“Coppers” aren’t police but a form of money.
“Hooters” are an illegal smoke which makes you high.
You took a work truck to school, complete with diesel, power saw, or chains on back.*
The community pool is the lake.
When the light’s on at the funeral home, you wonder who’s lying in state.*
The only fast coffee you can get is Irving coffee.
On cheque day, you avoid the bank like the plague and the Spanish Influenza combined.*
A traffic jam means a tractor trailer is parked in the road.
Dining out involves eating at a greasy spoon (and getting soft serve for dessert).
To find out where the fire is, you call a volunteer firefighter.*
Your parents met at a garden party.
You went down the LaHave River on a porter tire tube.
You buy apples or fish from the back of a truck.*
Your wife gets a hunting license so you can bag two deer.
You hit more deer with cars than bullets.
There’s a CB in your truck and at least four aerials on your roof.
You read the “Court Report” to see what your relatives are up to.
The only place to drink is the Legion.
The railroad tracks are in better condition than the main road.
You wash manure off your car every spring.*
You work at Michelin, Bowater (and calls it Bowaters), in the woods or shearing Christmas trees.
You rush to go through the flyers and are upset they’ve already been “read” by someone in your house.*
You party more in camps than in bars.
You have at least one childhood photo of you holding a trout or an (empty?) beer bottle, bonus points if it’s both.*
You’re called “dutchy” on occasion.
You know ending a sentence with with is perfectly accepted English/German.*
People say “farther” instead of “father.”
Someone in your family has tried ‘shine.
Your neighbour sells beer with a bit of a markup from the Glass Store.
You remember the train.*
You know smeltz potatoes aren’t made from fish.*
At Christmas, you argue about what kind of dressing (black or brown) is the best.*
You fill in potholes with gravel or sawdust.*
You ask for “unleaded” at the gas station.
You hang out at the gas station.*
You read the telephone book to see who placed an ad in the classifieds.*
Your truck is a) multicoloured b) welded or fixed with sheet metal and pot rivets c) jacked up d) has a wooden box instead of a metal one e) is painted with Tremclad f) camouflaged g) all of the above.
Instead of being affiliated with a political party, people know you come from a GM, Ford, or Dodge family.*
You organize your week around Bingo.
Instead of going to a dance that turns into a fight, you go to a fight that turns into a dance
Plaid or doeskin is, in your opinion, appropriate clothing for shopping, banking, or weddings.
You give directions like “hang a left by the old Zwicker place.”
You call a house “the old Zwicker place” or “the green house” even though it’s owned by “people from the city” and is now painted blue.*
You know the economical repercussions of “Spring Breakup.”
Family stories revolve around mythical muscle cars.
People laugh when you enunciate your telephone number: 644.
You get TFC (Two Friggin’ Channels).*
You know everyone in your graduating class; half are related to you.*
You have relatives who are related to you twice, AKA double cousins.*
Your car has 60/4 air conditioning: you drive with 4 windows down at 60 miles an hour.
When you go to a tree lot for your Christmas tree, you literally go to a tree lot and cut your own.*
You hate store-bought jam and pickles because you’re accustomed to homemade.*
You’ve ever used one of the following verbs in whatever form: boaring, squirreling, rutsching, gutzing, shinning, wrasslin, skun, squze.*
You climbed into a car for the first time and wondered why it didn’t have a rabbit and turtle on the gear shift.*
You’re jealous of the Springfield kids because they have more snow days than you.*
You’ve ever attended a gala or reception in a hall where there’s no running water, just an outhouse.*
Going to the drive-in was a great night out, except for those pesky mosquitoes.*
Three spices decorate your table: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
You’ve never gambled at a casino, but you HAVE played all the games of chance at the garden party.*
Most of your meals are made up of meat, potatoes and sauerkraut, except for Saturday night, which is beans night.
You know the difference between chicken and pig manure with just one whiff.*
You used to listen to Swap Shop either to buy something or make fun of the people selling stuff.
You go to all weddings and funerals for the sandwiches.
You refer to people by a nickname like The Cube or Sonic the Hedgehog.*
The arts and culture scene is dominated by the Book Mobile.
You’ve ever driven a K-car, Crapolier, or the ‘Vette.
Once you outran the police on a dirtbike or four-wheeler (not a quad, not an ATV, a four-wheeler).
You remember when going to Wal-Mart was a great excursion to the city or the valley.*
You and your parents had the same teacher in school.*
Most of your clothing has come from Frenchys or the Daisy.*
Your neighbours know more about your personal life than you do.
It’s a winter tradition to go skating on a pond at night, lit by the angelic glow of burning tires.*
Spring or fall clean up allows you to redecorate your living room.
Rising oil prices don’t concern you because you heat your house with wood that you’ve split and stacked yourself.
You’ve ever shot and/or eaten squirrel, porcupine, or skunk.
You know what an ox-pull is.*
Your car stereo and rims are worth more than your car.
On April 1 you become a fishing widow instead of a sports widow.
You were a “heathen” because you played cards on Sunday.*
You mow a field with your lawn mower, or mow your lawn with a tractor.
You’ve earned money picking strawberries, blueberries, or haying.*
You know all the words to “All the Gold in Caledonia.”
You’re an entrepreneur because you run a yard sale every Saturday and Sunday throughout the summer.
You marry and your last name stays the same.
Your grandmother knit/crocheted/tied/quilted your bedding.*
You rented the Legion for your wedding reception.
There’s more than one satellite dish on your roof and none of them work.
You question whether your neighbour wears bras because you don’t see any on her clothesline.*
You start waiting for the Canada Day parade at high noon to stake out the shade and the good drinking spots.
One of your neighbours is either a Zwicker, Rhodenizer, or Whynot.
All sporting events include refreshments out of someone’s trunk.
You saw your relatives more on Halloween than any other holiday.*
You leave your Christmas lights hanging all year and turn them on for Valentine’s.
It’s a Christmas tradition to show off all your presents in great detail to all guests.*
Dressing up to go out on the town means putting on your best rubber boots or coveralls.
Friday night is card party night.
You drive around town and make the loop just to see what’s going on (nothing, of course).*
You don’t pay anyone to plow your driveway after a snowstorm: you either use your four-wheeler, tractor, or porter.*
You didn’t attend daycare because your grandmother watched you while your parents worked.*
In spring, you walked to meet your bus because you lived on a gravel road and the spring weight restrictions meant the bus couldn’t stop at your house.*
You don’t have a subscription to the New Yorker or Maclean’s, but have every edition of the Truck Trader on your coffee table.
Your parents regale you with stories of when they first got either a) indoor plumbing b) a television c) their first car.*
Someone gives you a gift wrapped with reused wrapping paper.*
You’ve been to a wood-splitting party.*
You plant flowers in either an old barrel, workboot, or farming tool.*
You use terms like slacks, nylons, blouse.
You’re disappointed they no longer buy votes with nylons and rum.*
You’ve cussed because one of the century-old bridges is blocked off due to repairs, ice, or logging truck mishap.*
You’ve never driven past Halifax in your entire life.
You ask someone to drive you into the city because you can’t handle city driving.
You knew someone who used to help put chains on the bus during a storm when they were schoolchildren.
You have to keep replacing wheel bearings or sway bars because you’ve hit too many potholes.*
You think saving for retirement means putting a wood stove in your cabin.
You’ve ever threatened someone off your property with a rifle or a dog.
You eat everything pickled: solomon gundy, pickled eggs, pickled beans, pickled pork.
Instead of going to a u-pick, you pick blueberries and blackberries in the ditch outside your home.*
Flu and cold treatment involves ointment, Vick’s, and flannel diapers wound around your neck.*
You keep your quarters in a box from the old box factory.
Someone gets your address and/or name wrong, and the post office still manages to get the parcel in your mailbox.*
You’ve ever picked up a used car with a clam and put it on the back of a truck.
You know the finer art of brake burning.
You remember when going out meant driving to Springfield to hang out at the pool hall.*
There are prom pictures of you floating around because the whole village turned out at the school and took pictures of you.*
Riding shotgun actually means you ride with a shotgun.
You take a day off work when hunting season opens.
Target practice used to involve going to the dump to shoot rats.
You know what a Good Friday Run is.
Recycling means dumping your garbage in a burning barrel or furnace box.
You harvest more potato bugs from your garden than potatoes.
Your idea of undercoating is to go mudding in your four wheel drive.
Someone asks if you have the chicken pox, but you’ve actually been outside all day in the black flies.
After a day in the great outdoors, you do a tick check.*
The police pull you over for drunk driving because you’re not swerving… for the potholes.
Instead of calling a tow truck, you find a rope.
* Anything highlighted with a star comes from my own experiences, or at least the ones I will admit to.
